Fooling the fools

This week has been hectic.
I unpacked A LOT of books, papers and office stuff, not that fun, but necessary, and now I'm nice and organized.
I read many news cases about the 'right to life' and health proxies; I even received a letter from the lawyers who did our house closing about how they would be happy to draft a health proxy for me. I'll bet they would.
I ate dinner at the Italian-American club in my hometown, a place I had never before visited and probably won't again too soon. Dinner was degoddamnlicious, but the company, comprised of liquor store employees, bikers and those citizens over 70 (I actually went with my grandmother), was fun for the first 20 minutes and excrutiating for the last 2 hours.
Not that I needed it, but I had the knowledge that I am marrying a thoughtful, amazing man affirmed (tulips and irises delivered to my office).
And, sadly, I paid over $2 for gas for the first time since gas prices started rising higher than my 16 year-old cousin at Easter.

So, today is April Fools' Day and to blow off a little steam and spice up the workplace, I placed a few fake rats in some file drawers (with excellent results) AND I drafted a memo from our new landlord (a company that employs engineers) to my fellow employees. 90% figured out that it was a joke, but thought that it came from the landlord (they were so amazed at the great sense of humor displayed by a bunch of engineers) - the other 10% thought that it was real and actually made plans to purchase 40 watt light bulbs. I finally admitted to being the author of the document (just before my executive director was about to write an email joking about not paying the rent today - haha).

I include the bulk of the memo here (minus company names) for your amusement. I have to mention that this was done on the landlord's letterhead and a copy was placed in everyone's mailbox (I really outdid myself, hehe)

"Due to the increasing costs of utilities, we are implementing some new policies at X. All of the following policies will take effect on Monday, April 4, 2005:

* No overhead lighting should be used during daylight hours. Daylight hours have been defined as the time between 7:20 AM and 6:30 PM. If additional lighting is required during these hours, 40 watt light bulbs may be used. Please contact Rick C. if you need bulbs; he can be reached at 617-555-9277.

* Thermostats are on an automatic system. The temperature will not be set over 68 degrees. You will not be able to override the system. We realize that there may be a few more cold days, so please do your best to dress accordingly. Or you can huddle together; body heat is pretty effective.

* To conserve as much water as possible, water will only be turned on during operating hours. These have been defined as Monday through Friday, from 7:00 AM until 7:00 PM, and Saturday from 10:00 AM until 2:00 PM. Please run the water in the kitchens and bathrooms as sparingly as possible. If you need to use water outside of these hours, don’t.

* And finally, to minimize on the wear and tear of the building, please walk as softly as possible. Heavy tread can cause the building to settle 1/16th of an inch every three months – this can lead to thinner floors, which in turn could lead to the total collapse of the building.

We realize that some of these policies will take some getting used to, but we trust the dedication and team spirit of our employees will see us through these dark times.

If you have any concerns about the changes, keep them to yourself. No one likes a whiner.

Thank you."