Squeal like a pig
So, last night, during a house meeting in which my brother, Joe, Bryan and I were to discuss what to do should someone make an offer on the house while I'm in China, the conversation took a rather odd turn:
Joe: You're not having an Open House this weekend are you?
Me: Yes.
Joe: But I told you that I'm having Mike's bachelor party here, right?
Me: Yes, but that will be Saturday night.
Joe: I'm pretty sure I wrote in the email it would be a day/night affair.
Me: Well, it will have to be an after 4/night affair.
Joe: But the pig is coming at 10:30.
Me: We listed the house on MLS on Tuesday and have to keep the momentum going and have Open Houses this weeke...did you say pig? What do you mean pig?
Joe: A pig and it's being set up at 10:30.
Me: In the morning?
A pig?
Me: You can't have a pig here.
Joe: Well, I can't undo it, it's done.
Me: You have to cancel the pig (a pig! in my backyard!)
Joe: No, it's a done deal.
Me: Are they going to have to dig a hole in which to roast this pig?
Joe: I wouldn't think they do.
Me: Wouldn't think? Or No? Biiiig difference.
At this time Joe calls the organizer of the pig (!) to see if a hole will have to be dug in my beautiful, landscaped backyard, the yard that Bryan and I sweat over and have lovingly (albeit somewhat painfully) weeded, mulched, mowed, seeded, weeded again, mowed again, etc. ALL FUCKING SPRING/SUMMER!
Joe: Hi, B-, do you know if they are gonna dig a hole for the pig?
Conversation continues and when it's over, Joe looks confident.
Joe: No hole. The guy comes with a setup and just needs a plug for the spit. We can put it in the back of the yard.
Bryan: Or better yet, between the garage and the shed, where there's no grass.
Bryan: It will smell good for the Open House.
So, there will be a pig roasting on a spit during our Open House on Saturday. Here's hoping to vegetarians or Jews look at the place and run screaming at the sight of a large slab of pig meat sizzling in front of the shed.
I have read A LOT of homeselling books, but none have mentioned the joys of attempting to sell your house with a brother who thinks that roasting a large slab of meat in your back yard while you are trying to sell that house is a fabulous idea.
posted by Jill O. @ 4:08 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
(Q)What do you say when you run out of pig?
(A)Th..Th..That's all folks!
That was lame.
Personally, I think the pig is a nice touch. A pig roasting on a spit is majestic enough to steer the eye of a prospective buyer away from something they may not be loving...I say work it.
he should use La Caja China to roast it- it's contained within a box (no shocking visuals) and it cooks a pig in about 4 hours rather than taking all day.
When I was working at a house museum in NY, a wedding party roasted a pig just outside one of the windows and it was a bit stanky but then again, it was a museum so we couldn't open the windows to air the place out afterwards. I'm guessing you can?
Chances are you'll have a pig roasting enthusiast who, after visiting two dozen houses filled with the scent of oven baked cookies, will be seduced by the sickly sweet aroma of charred piggy.
I think it will work in your favor...it's that kind of stand out feature that makes people think the house was meant for them to have: "Look honey, the yard is perfect for my annual hog roastin party. Where do we sign?"
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